Penis and Male Sexuality Facts
Sex And Your Penis
Concerns about performance and anxiety about sex are normal. Indeed they're common, perhaps universal, in men. After interviewing 125 men of all ages for their book "What Really Happens in Bed", Steven Carter and Julia Sokol concluded that "all men have sexual anxieties".
More specifically: young men are anxious that their inexperience will show; they are also typically anxious about premature ejaculation and whether they know enough about female anatomy.
Middle-aged men are worried that their erections are not as firm, or quickly achieved, as they were when they were in their late teens and early twenties.
men worry that erections are less frequent, less firm, and more
There is good reason to believe,
therefore, that there's nothing abnormal or unusual about men's being
anxious about sex.
The same review found that about 5 percent of men have difficulty ejaculating with their partners and about 16 percent complain of low sex drive.
That's a lot of
male sexual problems, especially since some
difficulties - such as a sex drive that's extremely different (higher or
lower) to your partner's, and dissatisfaction with the experience of sex even though there aren't any
functional problems - weren't even considered.
I hope the point is clear:
Sex problems are normal and typical. I know, I know, all of your buddies
are functioning perfectly and never have a problem. If you really believe
that, well.....just take it from me, it's not true.
For both men and women, it seems, sex problems are not unusual. While I grant it doesn't feel good when you have a problem, it's just part of the human sexual condition.
Sharing what you want to do with them, or discussing sex with them before you go into the bedroom, can bring you closer, establish intimacy, and make sex less inhibited.
This can be especially useful if one of you wants to experiment in bed and the other is more restrained and needs encouragement to open up sexually.
What About Masturbation?
Although the dictionary definition of
masturbation is "stimulation of the genitals by means other than
intercourse," I use the term as most people do, to refer to sexually
stimulating oneself. Common synonyms include "wanking", "playing with yourself",
"self- pleasuring", and "self-stimulation".
In America, the vast majority of
boys start masturbating sometime during puberty, and most of them continue
to pleasure themselves for the rest of their lives. Estimates are that
about 70 percent of married men sometimes stimulate themselves (as do a
similar percentage of married women).
A real man, we think, would be able to find a partner with whom to have sex rather than being left to his own devices.
If he already has a partner, then why on earth would he want to have sex by himself?
A married man, although still enjoying sex in his fifties, expressed his concern like this: "I'm embarrassed about this, but I've masturbated once a week or so all through my marriage. It's not that my wife leaves anything to be desired.
She's a wonderful sex
partner and rarely turns me down. But there are times when it just seems
easier to do it myself. This isn't taking anything away from what we have
together, it's just a separate thing. I think she'd be shocked and hurt if
she found out and I wouldn't know how to explain myself."
The terms they used to refer to the act -"self- abuse" or "self-pollution" and "the solitary vice"- reflect their attitude. It was only about forty years ago that the American Medical Association and the Boy Scout Manual dropped their opposition to masturbation.
Although virtually all medical and
psychological experts today consider the activity quite normal, we aren't that
removed from the days when it was considered anything but normal.
You don't have to concern yourself with anyone else's feelings, desires, or goals. You can do whatever you want for as long or as short a time as you like and get whatever you want out of it.
Partner sex, while certainly
having advantages of its own, does require that we carefully attend to the
desires of our partner and synchronize our behavior with hers, and that's
not something one always wants to do.
That is, whenever he feels sexy he satisfies himself and rarely or never wants sex with his partner. Understandably, the partner may feel less than ecstatic about this state of affairs.
Usually something else is involved.
is unhappy about either the partner or relationship, about himself or
about sex with her. And of course, he may be unhappy with his tendency to
it's possible the woman may not feel good about what he's doing, just as
he feared. She may feel that her attractiveness or skillfulness is
inadequate if he masturbates even though she's available.
They stem from our culture's narrow view of sex. The only rules necessary for good sex are consent (if you're doing it with someone else, they must agree to the activity), honesty (don't say things that aren't true), and responsibility (it's not right to make babies when you don't want them, to spread disease, or to behave in ways that are disrespectful of your partner).
Aside from these things, anything goes. It's perfectly fine to masturbate even though you have a sexual partner, it's fine to masturbate in her presence or with her participation, it's fine for the two of you to masturbate together, and it's just as fine for either of you to stimulate yourself during an erotic encounter together.
you have a partner who's available to have oral sex or intercourse or any
other sexual activity - even
anal sex - doesn't necessarily mean you'll always want to
engage in that activity with her. There are times when you may simply
prefer to stimulate yourself despite your partner's availability.