The secrets that women just won't tell you - what they really think about penis size!
When the boys have their girlfriends (that's friends as in platonic, not sexual partners) round for a few glasses of wine, what better topic of conversation could there be than penis size and whether or not it really makes a difference?
Well, maybe many, but, as a sexual therapist, my curiosity led me to ask them anyway: three sexually experienced women, who'd had enough sex with enough men to know what they were talking about when it comes to the crunch.
So, after a couple of glasses, I recklessly asked them: "Does the size of a man's cock make any difference to you in bed?" And what did I expect to hear? No doubt the old line - "No, it's what you do with it that counts....."
Unfortunately, that was not what we heard. The first, a mature woman of thirty five, looked us straight in the eyes and declared that yes, it certainly did make a difference: the larger the penis, she said, the more powerful the experience.
The second, a woman of twenty nine with few inhibitions, told us she'd had a man with a four inch penis and a man with a nine inch penis, and as far as she was concerned, there was no contest: the larger man won hands down in her bed.
The third, a younger woman in her early twenties - but no slouch on the sexual front for all that - cast her eyes at the floor and giggled before saying that if it came to a choice she'd definitely prefer a thick cock to a long one.
Oh ho. Bad news for us men, I think. And further investigation was needed. Just how did a bigger penis win over a smaller one? The answer which emerged was this: that when it comes to sex, for a woman, a larger penis provides more feeling.
This is especially true, one of the women added, when she is extremely wet and lubricated.
One of our friends went on to explain in more detail. This, she said, is about the physical aspect of sex - the feeling of fullness that a woman perceives to be pleasurable when she's fucked by her partner.
It's about the stretching of the vagina in the first two or three inches by a penis of sufficient girth to open her out.
Now, in defense of men, at this point she conceded that a woman whose vagina was loose had either not being doing her Kegel exercises to tone up the muscles or had had a terrible experience with childbirth.
But I was still puzzled. The vagina is a virtual space - one that is created when a penis pushes its way in. So how then could a thick penile shaft feel better?
Doesn't the vagina open up to accommodate any size of man?
Yes, but it can grip different shaft thicknesses tightly or not depending on how effectively the vaginal muscles are working. I have a suggestion - the Sybian for toning up the pelvic muscles during orgasm and the Kegelmaster for toning up the vaginal muscles for more pleasurable intercourse.
The girls put their heads together and came up with the explanation that it was about stimulation - being stretched provided more stimulation, more of a thrill when their man entered them, and - at least for one of them - a frisson of mental excitement, the pure sexual thrill of being impaled on a huge penis.
Now, this was all very well, but it left a few questions unanswered. Top of my list was my puzzlement about the eternal mystery of pleasing a woman in bed: is there a G Spot or not?
We are told it's only a couple of inches inside a woman's vagina, and it's not very big, so surely a penis of any size can stimulate it as the coronal ridge of the man's penis moves back and forth over the G spot during thrusting?
I have, I must admit, a very average sized penis (average penis size happens to be 5.9 inches long when erect, and 4.9 inches in circumference.) But my partner goes into ecstasy when I make love to her with my foreskin gliding back and forth over her G spot.
This is not about the physical pleasure of feeling stretched by a big dick - it's about a refinement of technique that leads to immense sexual pleasure.
She swears that G spot stimulation is much better for her than the mere pleasure of feeling filled to the limit.....and maybe this is the other part of the equation: the "it's what you do with it" part of the old saying about penis size.
Unfortunately, too big a penis can cause all kinds of problems for a woman, including, if she is not lubricated enough, yeast infections due to tearing of the vaginal walls. (Fortunately you can deal with these using yeast remedies at home.)
When I checked this out with my current partner (after I'd explained why I was talking about the size of penises to a group of women!) she added more clarity to the whole matter.
Sex can be a purely physical experience for a woman, just as it can be for a man, but when it is, the lack of emotional connection (love or trust, if you like) means that the physical sensations will be much more important.
But when a woman's in bed with a man she loves, trusts or respects, then things are different. Suddenly, the size of his penis is only one of many more important aspects of lovemaking.
The fact that she is letting a man she likes into her body, the fact that he is being caring and tender, or raunchy and sexual, with her, the fact that she has turned him on, the fact that she feels special to him, the fact that she loves him (and maybe he loves her), adds a whole new dimension to lovemaking which centers on the emotional and spiritual connection between the two people, not just the physical sensations of sex.
And this is true whether a woman comes during intercourse or not: for her, the act of giving her body to the man she loves can be far more important than the physical sensations of sex or reaching orgasm - and in any event, very few women reach orgasm through intercourse anyway.
And that makes perfect sense to me. It explains why women will always argue about whether penis size is important, it means that what you do with your penis in a vagina really is more important than how big it is, and it means that men who are less than well-endowed need not fear humiliation when they are with a woman who loves them.
Its not what you got, it's how you use it...
When a woman chooses to go to bed with a man because she likes him, his penis is sexually exciting to her whatever its size, just because it is a part of him. That's the beginning, middle, and almost the end of the story.
If he wants an orgasm, she has a vagina in which he can come most delightfully and satisfyingly; if she wants an orgasm, well, he has has a tongue and fingers, and she has a clitoris waiting for attention.
But.....there's more. If it is true that women don't really care, then why is size such an issue? Hmm...must be something to do with men, I guess. After all, they're the other ones around when sex happens.
Look at it this way: the fear that a man has when he gets into bed with a woman for the first time is that she will find his erect penis inadequate and presumably laugh at its size. But does this ever happen?
No. In any case, she's obsessed with the shape of her pussy lips or the size of her breasts. So there's the clue - this penis size thing must be a male issue. That's what gives this issue its potency and its hold over us.
A question we have often received from readers is this: does penis size affect ejaculation speed? Well, the answer isn't as clear as you might think. I'd say probably, but perhaps not in the way you might think.
A large penis will penetrate further and deeper, and since most men find deep penetration to be extremely sexy, a man with a large cock may find he is aroused more. This in itself can accelerate ejaculation. A man with a small penis, however, is often less confident and perhaps a little less sure of himself in bed.
That's a prime cause of premature ejaculation. Of course if you come quickly, it's worth getting help regardless of how well endowed you are. You need to be able to ejaculate as and when you wish, a situation which will undoubtedly help a woman reach orgasm during intercourse.
The average time of intercourse described by women as ideal is 10 to 13 minutes, while the average man ejaculates in 4 minutes. So if you can go on longer, a whole world of sexual possibilities open up to you, including "gushing" - also called female ejaculation or squirting.
Having that degree of choice over ejaculation is actually challenging, and in nay case we know that most women reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation rather than vaginal intercourse. So, it may be that a sexual plan which accommodates both of these situation is the right answer!
Size of the Penis & Sexual Pleasure
Another quantitative question that is often of acute importance to men is the size of the penis. In our culture the male tends to wonder whether it's "big enough." Elsewhere he may wonder whether it's little enough.
The Karma Kalpa, a sort of manual for Hindu lovers, has this to say about size: "Brahma is a thoughtful god and has created a mate for every woman.
There are four types of men to go with the four types of women. The
classification of the male is mainly based on the length of the membrum virile.
The smaller and thinner the member, the better the man." So perhaps even here
were the first signs of male insecurity!
Sometimes anxiety about the size of the penis cloaks a feeling of inadequacy and guilt about sex in general; it becomes the excuse for feeling so self-conscious that sexual activity is impossible.
Or it may be a carry-over from the frankly competitive comparing of genital dimensions that often occurs among boys. A sense of inferiority born here is frequently fortified by the more furtive locker-room assessments of adulthood.
One reason is that every man looks straight at another man's penis, but down at his own; the optical effect of foreshortening can make the comparison odious even when there is no significant difference in size.
Making things worse for all men with a smaller than average penis is the threat of premature ejaculation. No matter that women may not care! The thought that they do care is uppermost in the minds of men who feel sexually inadequate anyway!
Sidebar: It is our good fortune that there are many experts on the internet who have written programs to help us control our ejaculation "speed"...the question, though, is, are any of them any good? The short answer to that is definitely "yes". I'm thinking particularly of Lloyd Lester's imaginative and interesting offerings - he has dealt with the subject of ejaculation control in his manual and program about how to ejaculate on command.
A penis too small for satisfying sexual activity is a medical rarity. An adequate length can be anywhere from one and a half to seven inches in the relaxed state, from about four and a half to nine in erection, with the average about six in erection.
Penis girth varies widely, too, from ab6yut one to one and a half inches diameter in the relaxed state to one to two and a half inches diameter in erection. A large size in relaxation, by the way, is not necessarily a guarantee of larger-than-average size in erection.
Genital size is one area in which the usually incorrect generalizations about race seem to be true: black men do tend to have larger genitals than Caucasians and Orientals.
But there is no correlation between the size of the penis and the size of the body frame, feet or hands, although men who are obese often seem to have smaller genitals than most, sometimes because in the relaxed state the penis is buried in the adipose pubis.
Laci Green On Foreskin vs Non Foreskin
Delayed ejaculation is a worrying problem, one in which you find that you cannot ejaculate during sex - and sometimes even during masturbation, unless the stimulation is very hard and prolonged.
Men in this position may well find that intercourse proceeds for so long that their partners become sore and frustrated, and often blame themselves for not being attractive enough to arouse their male partner!
Nothing could be further from the truth - though there may be relationship issues which contribute to delayed ejaculation, in general it is caused by the man not being sensitive enough to the stimulation which his penis is receiving during sex.
A man who clearly has delayed ejaculation, may require treatment.
However, the great news is that there is an effective self-help formula which you can use to stop delayed ejaculation and learn to ejaculate within a normal time frame during sex.
This is certainly less than ten minutes, although the objective will always be to give the man who is suffering from delayed ejaculation complete control over the timing of his orgasm. This extremely effective treatment for slow climax is available to all men.
The opposite problem, of course, is premature ejaculation, and this can be just as problematic to cure.
Although men suffering from delayed ejaculation might wish they had the issue of ejaculating too quickly, and men with premature ejaculation might wish they could last a lot longer, the truth is that both these problems are potentially just as frustrating and embarrassing for men who are in sexual relationships.
And manifesting a better sexual relationship can be problematical for both men and their partners - there may be a social imperative to convince a prospective mate to stick around by ejaculating slowly (i.e extending the length of intercourse), but there is certainly an opposing biological imperative to ejaculate as quickly as possible... and this may be harder to overcome than most men imagine.
In other words, no matter how much you might like to think you can use the universal laws of attraction which govern manifestation and can be used to get what you want, manifesting a better sexual relationship may be harder than you think! Being attractive in bed can help manifest a woman who wants to stick around, that's for sure.
If you have a case of rapid ejaculation, and you want to learn how to have adequate levels of ejaculatory control that will allow you to stop premature ejaculation, the program you can find in the top of the right hand column of this page is the best way to learn how to last longer in bed.
And for women, the most common sexual problem tends to be inability to reach orgasm during masturbation or sex. Even in these liberated times, when sex has become something which is discussed regularly in all kinds of places, the personal inhibitions which prevent women from reaching orgasm during intercourse can be just as pronounced.
On a personal level, of course it doesn't matter how much discussion of "freeing the female orgasm" one sees around the place; if you are not able to achieve an orgasm during sex, then you will feel sexually inadequate and possibly have a low self-esteem.
Once again, as with the male sexual dysfunctions listed above, the problem can be largely helped with a self-help program carefully tailored to help women with a problem in reaching orgasm.
To the extent that worrying about penis size is a reflection of immature or adolescent male psychology - which it is, of course - then any self-development course for men that helps him move to full emotional maturity has to be a good thing.
These are not so common these days, but they do exist, and if you click here you can read about one such way of moving into a more mature place of being.
In spite of the new scientific evidence on various aspects of this subject, we have no estimates of the average sex drive in either man or woman.
Sex Drive In Men And Women
We may see some revolutionary changes in all our ideas about the differences between femininity and masculinity in the years ahead.
All the new customs, such as sexual learning through premarital contracts of one kind or another, together with the whole changed character of the sexual relationship, may produce new knowledge and a new set of values that may relegate sexual theories into the dustbin of history.
This is for the future. Couples of all ages to-day have every reason to be grateful for the knowledge courageously mined, assayed, and given to us thus far.
Although we live in a present still shaded by the past, we have quite a body of information about felicitous sexual reciprocity in the light of our present advances. Let us gladly make full use of it.
A woman must understand what forces stimulate her man's desire and how they affect his sexual compulsions. They must learn together how the woman becomes aroused, how and why her desire intensifies.
She must learn how to communicate the moment when she is ready for penetration and understand the progression of mutual activity that culminates in orgasm for each of them.
The man must learn how at once to actively woo and arouse his wife and at the same time control his own compulsion towards ejaculation and orgasm.
By using powerful mental techniques, such as visualization and imagination, and possibly hypnosis and autosuggestion, anyone can become master of their won destiny - and that includes being able to control premature ejaculation, satisfy a woman, and live a successful and happy life.
Oh yes, it's THE SECRET by Rhonda Byrne!! By any other name!!! Come on, though, manifestation has been proved (or as good as!) Find out why it works at http://www.therealsecretofsuccess.com and live the life you know you want to!
The truth is, joking aside, that if you want to co-create your reality (with the universe) then you need to find a way of learning manifestation and applying the Law of Attraction successfully. You never know, you might be able to overcome those persistent negative behavior patterns that have troubled you for so long...