Sexuality Facts

Redefining sexuality

So what do I mean by that? Well, I'm thinking of the classic sexual stereotypes that both sexes run all the time: for example, you may say you want a sexually open woman, as a man, but then, when you get one ... you run.

That's because you're holding a belief system which says something like a sexually active woman, or a sexual experience woman, is a slut or a whore.

Then again of course you might be running a belief system that says something like all men have to satisfy woman in bed, because they're incapable of giving themselves an orgasm. Or, once you bedded a woman, she wants to marry you.

So it goes on: our lives are run by stereotypes which do nobody any good, and which reinforce what's become classically known as the "double standard".

This is very unfair on both men and women. The truth of the matter is that women are extremely sexual in a way that men can't even begin to understand unless they're willing to let go of their fears and inhibitions around sexual activity with a woman.

I suspect one of the reasons that men repress female sexuality so much is because they do actually deep down understand a woman's sexuality is more powerful than their own.

A woman is a deeply in touch with the erotic, generative power of the universe, that she needs a man who's can help her find it. Men are scared of this: the under-fucked pussy is a plague of our times.

It's quite understandable really: when a man is with a very sexual woman, he's going to wonder if he can please her. He's going to wonder how he compares to her previous lovers.

He's going to wonder if his penis is big enough. And so it goes on. If you want to know how you can bring a woman to orgasm without worrying about penis size, check this out. The fact that a woman enjoys sex doesn't mean she's had a colorful past. It does mean she's a woman who enjoys sex.

So drop your concerns about women who are sexually experienced or enjoy sex. Stop reading things into female sexuality. Get to know a woman as a person before you have sex. Develop trust, so that you have less reason to question the sexual background and experience of that woman, or, to put it more bluntly, to question her morality.

One of the problems that arises from all of this, of course, is that most men are sexually insecure. They haven't been taught how to be men who can please a woman both in bed and out of bed. They have been taught how to be confident about the expression of their own sexuality, including saying "no" when it's necessary for them.

So many women repressed desires, of all kinds, sexual and otherwise, because they're scared about letting men see them, and the possible consequences. Those consequences can include stonewalling, lack of communication, retreat into the cave, denial, and and even possibly anger and abuse.

So why are men so insecure with women? Where they intimidated by the combination of good girl and bad girl? There's a lot of cultural stereotyping going on here, because sexual women are usually portrayed as bad women. In some way.

Nice girls are not portrayed as sexual. Yet at the same time, it seems perfectly acceptable for a man to have any amount of sexual experience, because it boosts his standing amongst his mates, and it may even boost his standing amongst women, who suspect that he might be an alpha male to have had so many women.

Yet really all of this nonsense is based on the fact that men and women see each other through the filter of society's expectations, and cultural stereotypes: they don't see each other through the human filter speaking to another person on the plane of equality, mutual understanding and respect.

Are we more similar than we are different, do you think? I've always actually held a great believe that we are, in that essentially both men and women want the same thing -- intimacy, tenderness, support, the feeling that we mean something to the other person in the relationship, and so on. Yet we are conditioned by society, and maybe even by our genes, to believe that we have to behave in a certain way, that we are entitled to certain things in the other sex partner.

It's actually difficult to come to understand another person better. All that's required is good communication in an effort to understand exactly what a person is thinking and feeling, and perhaps even more simply, to understand the world from their point of view.

Take orgasms for example.

Female sexuality may appear to be incredibly complicated to many men, but the truth is we all want the same thing -- sexual pleasure and emotional satisfaction to go with it. So consider a man who is having sex with a woman and then asks "did you come dear?"

What earth is she going to say in response to that, if she's feeling at all protective of his ego and excitement? And more to the point, why does he not actually know whether she's had an orgasm or not?

Once again, we seem to be back to a problem of lack of communication. And maybe also on the men's partly a lack of sensitivity, because it isn't actually very difficult to know if woman is reached orgasm. Of course men are very g directed -- think we all accept that.

So when it comes to sex, the goal becomes the woman's orgasm. Yet the best way to achieve sexual pleasure with a woman is to slow down, think about what she needs on the way, and given the sensitivity and tenderness that she craves.

And important question to many men is whether or not they're focused on giving a woman satisfaction, or knowing whether or not they were able to give her an orgasm.

It's a widespread male assumption that a woman will actually only enjoy sex if she comes, that the truth of the matter is that there are many ways for woman to enjoy sex, most of which have nothing to do with reaching orgasm.

Sex isn't just about the man's pleasure, so if he's finding that sex without female orgasm is unsatisfying to him, he certainly needs to establish exactly what it is about his ego that makes him think he needs to make a woman reach orgasm every time they make love.

Of course, using the best sex techniques and positions is one way of ensuring this happens. This includes the coital alignment technique, a new system for ensuring the woman's clitoris is stimulated during intercourse.

Coital Alignment Positions

The coital alignment technique

Of course one of the difficulties here might be the fact that men have certain expectations around sex: very few men would expect to enjoy lovemaking without reaching orgasm, it may be that they assume the same is true for a woman. Back to communication once again!

If you actually ask a woman what she needs, you'll find that these illusions soon shattered.

The problem is enhanced by the fact that many women have been given me "good girl program" which teaches them that they should give men what they want -- and that might even include the female orgasm, even if it has to be faked stop this is a very sad state of affairs.

It will not have escaped your notice, either, that faking an orgasm is a road to nowhere, because at some point woman will find that she still not having orgasms, but she now can't admit taking them because the deception has been going on too long. The extraordinary thing is that so many women have not reached an orgasm, and actually don't even know what it feels like.

Many women discover sexuality much later than men, and they have an expectation that men will have the clues to opening out the female sexuality and giving them pleasure.

The answer here is not just communication, but it's for women to masturbate regularly, and to learn about their own sexuality , so that they can take responsibility for their own orgasms.

One of the best ways of dealing with this problem is for a man to put more energy into making a woman feel good, instead of putting energy into achieving orgasm for her, or on her behalf.

The male reproductive system
The testicles and other male organs
Functions of the testicles
All About Love Between Men and Women
How to manifest reality
All about semen
Female sexual needs and desires
Premature ejaculation
Women think about penis size and sex
Male sexual response
The significance of your erection
How do you see your penis?
Your penis and your life
Circumcision Index
Sex and your penis
Sexual psychotherapy
Sensate focus